Can't talk to people, can't put effort on hobbies.
Because I feel everything is a competition.

Close friends have only hurt me overtime.
Therapist is dragging time and using the emotional connection to pacify me as it feels to me.
A pattern repeating with my therapist and previous close friends is that I have to confront them over and over about things they do that I don't like and they won't get it, not change their behaviors.
I left them and with that lost groups of people.
I am now alone with very few friends I'm not much in close contact with.

I may be emotionally gay, but I'm frustrated with not being able to bond with women. I always feel it's my fault when things go wrong.
Sure, I can have better relationships with men, but I feel I need to improve my relationships with women, but I can't even get to go out with a co-worker, because she answered my call and I overheard "I don't want to answer him" and got hung up!
Something feels in "society" that is pushing people to be gay - if you have at least one quality of being gay, you're gay.
But now I can't communicate with anyone - not here on this website, not on Facebook. Nowhere. My trust in people is diminishing, as past best friends influenced my thoughts and feelings too much. So does my current therapist.

I don't know what to do. I feel like a lost cause.
Everything feels like a competition and my therapist tells me "there's no need to be a manager at work". A part of me wants success but emotional connections pacify me. I want success to make up for the failures of my life.

I have no one to speak to in real life, as I feel opening up my heart puts me in an inferior state, and when people get used to that, overtime I'll be under their terms. Dare I attack them I only hurt myself. But if they attack me, I have to deal with it and suck it up because they're friends. That's why I left them.

Don't know what else to say, so I'll listen to you.