Hello What did I expect?: I'm sorry you find yourself to be in this most difficult situation. I'm an older man. But I know what you're experiencing. I have my own "back story". (I'll spare you the details.)

You mentioned you'd be seeing your therapist yesterday. Assuming this is someone you feel good about, & comfortable with, I think the thing here is simply to keep working with this person. It can take time & a lot of very hard work to dig your way back out of this very dark place in which you now find yourself. The passage of time itself will help somewhat. But it's not a cure. In the long run, I think, working through all of this with your therapist is probably the way to go for you. Otherwise, even if you eventually meet someone else with whom you can begin anew, you'll still carry the burden of this past relationship with you. And I can tell you, from personal experience, it won't be helpful. I wish you well...