i liked that "clear" feeling, it felt so happy and true, i wish i could describe it better. it was literally like clouds parting after a tremendous horrorific storm, calm and clear and bright but not hurting the eyes. will medications give me that? just 4 more days!! till i get to see a pdoc. i want to tell them now about that clear feeling and ask them give me the medication that will let me have more of that. i'm still feeling scared about going though because they will be Unknowns to me, and a long travel there, with so much to navigate ... subway ... buildings ... people ... sounds ... i have to take a cd player with me so i can play music that will help me remember who i am, so i don't accidentally absorb other unnatural components during the travel and chameleon them.