I am guessing that more here feel similarly than it might at first appear from the number of replies (so far)

Not that having others feeling similar helps much (or at all, I wouldn't wish this **** on anyone..)

I can certainly relate to quite a bit of what you posted... different circumstances, similar feelings.. same "help" or lack of it irl from professionals for the past ...years

And yet I'm still here, this may sound like cliched bull but somewhere I suppose both of us have a purpose, I know what one of mine is - being here for papa bear - and I suppose being a resident bear on pc.. doesn't stop the wish to not be on this planet

I'm sending safe love (at the risk of being annoyingly repetitive to some.. if the professionals (irl - uk - maybe there are some good ones though....) had that ability to love in a true sense of the word.. my guess is some of us wouldn't be needing to post here on pc )