Hi there! I can see how frustrating it is to struggle with depression and anxiety, especially when you've been suffering for so long and have tried so many conventional treatments.

I'm not going to try to offer "advice", since it might be completely useless to you and perhaps even a bit patronizing. However, I'll share some of my experiences.

Connecting with other people, whether through forums or real-life friendships, has always helped me. It helps me get out of my mind and look outside. Listening is nice, whether someone is listening to me or I'm listening to them. I feel like I'm establishing rapport, even if I can't offer advice. Sometimes I don't need advice either -- it's just nice to find some empathy.

My therapist says that depression can't hit a moving target. Even when I'm exhausted or numb, I force myself to shower (sometimes I don't shower for days) and drag myself out of the house to volunteer at the local art museum. This helps me feel like I have some purpose. I can help someone, even if it's in a small way, e.g. by answering visitors' questions or just smiling at them. This lifts my mood for anything between a few hours or a day or two.

Journalling also helps. Just a way to dump my feelings, however repetitive they are.

We're here to listen to you and help in any way we can, whether you'd like to rant or brainstorm or seek input on something specific! Take care.