I came to the West to get my doctorate degree, and in the process I immigrated. My parents from the beginning didn't want me to immigrate and stay abroad although it is better for me. But they don't think of me, they think of themselves only. Every time I talk to them they make me feel guilty. I think the way they talk to me makes me feel more depressed and angry. I mainly remember the abuse right after talking to them because they are masters in making me feel bad and the worst person on Earth.

I was waiting from them a word like: "we want you to live your life and be happy" to set me free. But no, all they say how awful they feel and how lonely they are. Once my father told me he and my mother were crying because they didn't have any one (they have my siblings, but no one feels close to them because of their aggressiveness and disrespect toward us, and their social life is almost non existent because of their rigid mentality). I don't know if this is how parents treat their children or it is just my parents. They brought me in this life and expect me to stay around them and be servant for their wishes, although they disrespect and abuse me all the time. I don't feel comfortable or peaceful around them, especially around my mother (I suspect she is a narcissist because she thinks the whole world revolves around her).

I am not holding them to have a social life and activities. They should have their own life independent from us. The way they treated me has made me decide not to have children. I don't want to have children who feel as awful as I have. Stay away from them you might say. But the guilt feeling is as powerful as the hatred. My father almost died from cancer when we were very little, and had he died, probably I wouldn't have been where I am now. My mother doesn't have the education or the skills to work, and probably we would have ended poor and uneducated. But why does it have to be either this or that? I wish I can feel free from these feelings because I feel trapped between them.