So it turns out that the reason I don't ask for what the littles need is that I was afraid that not being able to meet my needs would make dad sad. And that if he got sad, he would be like mom (who suffered from bipolar). I had (still have) no concept that dad could feel sad without it being a disaster.

So I dismiss the little's needs (because I do know that they are about the past) and get strategic with H so that the adults do ok. Which is a good thing, I think. I am still not clear about the difference it would make for me to ask H for some time later in the day. And now H is saying he's been off track and paying lots of attention to me. So how am I supposed to ask for attention? I really am getting plenty now.