That was nice of that man prefabspout and after all these years you still remember that.

You know that saying, "you may not remember exactly what someone says, but you always remember how a person makes you feel".

That is the affect your parents have on you "and" your siblings, doesn't really matter what they say, they always leave you and siblings feeling "bad".

I taught a lot of children how to ride and I specialized in teaching young children and the one thing I focused on the most was that they ALWAYS walked away from me feeling "good" about themselves. When I run into these children years later, they always WANT to talk to me and I can see that glow in their eyes and that comes from them remembering me as such a positive presence for them. That is more important to me then how well they mastered riding.

From what I read in your venting you tend to be torn between what is right and yet having to deal with how you are left feeling whenever you "try" to do what is right. I can relate because of what I struggle with when I WANT to see my parents and yet the way my sister leaves me feeling is just awful. It took me a long time to realize how far back that went for me, unfortunately all the way back where it left me with a ghost I never realized I had.

I think the "key" is getting to a point where you can actually identify what you need to let go of. I have noticed you are trying very hard to figure out how to do just that. A lot of the members struggling on this site are trying to figure that out.

Sometimes I think it can be harder for men because many men are raised to be embarrassed about having emotions. They often get that "man up" when what they really need is "help" to understand their emotions. So, often these men end up struggling with a lot of anger and may turn that anger inwards for lack of knowing what to do with it.

"Admitting pain humbles us to the reality of our personal histories and our present conditions. We no longer have to pretend we are something that we are not." ~ Steven Franssen, Make Self-Knowledge Great Again