However you feel you are not an idiot,and feelings can change.Posting here is a start in the right direction.Letting things out and writing down how you feel will help in the long run.Right now you can't get motivated,that is a block due to your illness.I got ill for the first time 30 years ago and have been through many periods of no motivation,feeling stuck and wanting to give up,you will get through to better times and it is worth persevering if you can.

They do say no one can do it for you but they also say stop and rest if you must but never give up.I wish you well and encourage you to keep posting here you will find the act of writing enough movement forward for now and it is satisfying,also people here will encourage and support you.

I wish you all the best.