I may be so very dumb in the next few moments of my writing...forgive me in advance...please.....When you are talking about sick and hospital....are you talking about sick and hospital....for an ailment...of body like your appendix and you have an operation...or are you speaking of an ailment of the mind...and hospital is a place of treatment for that which troubles the mind...?.....

The body can be too far gone....in some disease....that it could be pointless often to go to hospital....it is just a route of slicing...a moment or two...left of life....that has no function....

Yet the mind....is so very different...it buckles and folds in so many directions...and is ever changing....from one second to the next....my doctors used to tell me....the mind is the last frontier...it is the unknown....it is only partially mapped....all is not discovered.....so the lost cause could be in that territory of maybe not...?....

I have often felt...like your...'last sentence'....I feel like such a burden....the horror of it makes my skin crawl....and my heart cave in on it's self...just falling into my own mind of hell.....

Yet.....there always seems to be a moment...that rises....of that maybe not yet....even though it may still be dark....and our mind may be broken...it still carries us into life...wired in some way...that holds to living....there is some reason for that....

Just in this one instance...that rises for me...I see that you have posted in this place 1,924 times....even if 1,923 times that posting was solely you writing of your own needs....(which I do not think is so)....there is that 1 other time left....(still thinking it is many more times than 1).....you reached out and offered...words...in expressing compassion and caring to another...who is here hurting...or crying out....I know what it feels like...when someone responds to me...in this place....when someone responds...when you are hurting...in this place or beyond it....that act of reaching for them....is without measure.....to the person in need....YOU have done that....not even knowing you at all.....I KNOW YOU HAVE DONE THAT......that reaching...if that is all that you or anyone else ever does....gives value....that is not measureable....it lifts you...and anyone....out of the realm of.....'lost cause and dead weight'.....I even have to accept that for myself.....being there for someone...stranger or not...gives a purpose...that has value to humanity....most especially to the person you can reach.....

I am so very sorry that you are feeling this way....I may sound all...what is the word...Polly Anna-ish....or chipper....or some goodie goodie girl....and when I am feeling in that not so great place....my response to someone in that mode...would be...more along the lines of some kind of torture for them.......yet it from their side...and the side of those you have helped....it remains a truth....no one is completely bad....and no one is completely good...we are a mixing bowl of ingredients....some ingredients makes us want to spit them out....and some....oh yum....make us want to grab a big spoon....it is that way for others too....

I have written all these words....thrown them at the page in some order....that hopefully...you read...and there could be an offering to you in them...if not...there is the wish for those moments you read them.....your mind was taken....away from that which you do battle.....if it did...even for a moment...go read your favorite book...and it could last longer...?....that moment of away....sometimes I will read a book I like..over and over...just to go away.....

I wish you peace....I wish you peace....my own wish...is that it comes true....