Mr stranger, your "voice" is really coming through on these posts. I am always impressed by your efforts to understand and overcome obstacles.

i can relate to your struggle of feeling like you should be submissive, grateful, and patient to your parents. So many times I have suffered with shame from the manipulative attitudes of my parents. I was so accustomed to it, I couldn't think or feel in a way to help myself. "if I feel bad, I'm bad" is a disabling belief I learned from my mom. My parents made me feel powerless when I needed to be empowered. I tried to ignore my mom's beliefs and methods, and my father's actions, by going numb or indifferent, like they had no bearing on me. That didn't work. Their choices impacted me greatly. Ive come to understand how dangerous a parent can be to their child's sense of self, etc. I have worked so hard, like you have, to understand and overcome these holes in my confidence. And I work tirelessly to ensure my children have confidence, and know how to problem solve.

Parents can use culture or religion, etc, as an excuse to justify their senseless, cruel actions. I have empathy for your struggle to try to get along with your parents. It's impossible to make a relationship feel right and good..when it's actually an unhealthy dynamic. Believe in what makes sense. Parents who erode their children do need help to be healthier people. But, I don't think their children are the people that can help them or change them.

Thank you for your post. May Peace be with you during your visit. You matter and this is YOUR life.