"I'm paralyzed
I'm scared to live but I'm scared to die
And if life is pain then I buried mine a long time ago
But it's still alive
And it's taking over me where am I?"

- NF, 'Paralyzed'.

I just want it to stop. All of the intrusive thoughts, the nightmares, the flashbacks, the dissociation.... I just want it all to stop.

I feel like I'm not even me anymore. I'm not Só leigheas anymore and maybe I never was. I don't feel like a person. I feel like a product of my upbringing and my past, nothing more.

I'm paralyzed and I can't get out. I can't leave this cage, this coffin that encompasses my shattered being. I'm trapped inside this enclosure just waiting for the torment to be over, but it never will. "I'm forced to deal with what I feel, there is no distraction to mask what is real." - Twenty One Pilots, 'Car Radio'. I can't escape it. Not even in sleep do my demons let me alone to rest. They will likely howl alongside me in death.

If ever an entity had mercy, they would do me the simple courtesy, of shutting me down.