My dear haunted. It breaks my heart to think of you going through this too. While it would make me feel very alone, I wish nobody here understood what I was talking about. But as I'm sure you read, it's a common problem. And I'm so sorry.

Before I say where I'm at with this, let me just say that there have been some very good suggestions in this thread. I'm trying to use them and it helps, some. You might do the same.

So what have I been doing over the past six days? Well, like you, I talked to my boss about what's going on. I kept it simple but I was also direct. I didn't ask for time off but I did ask that they be understanding should I need a day here and there. That I was doing my best to meet my obligations translated to greater understanding from them. They also agreed to let me schedule therapy appointments during the day. If I have one I just go, get it done, and then come back to work. I've only had one appointment but they held up their end and let it happen. They also pointed me to some mental health resources my company has available. They suck but it was a nice gesture.

The next thing I did was to stop taking any new freelance clients. This does not help my existing work load but it does create a light at the end of the tunnel. Once these existing projects are completed (which will take about five months) I'll have more time to work on getting better.

The family thing, well, I have no solution there. I have to be a good father, up to it or not. My kids take priority because I lacked sufficient parenting due to my mother's physical illness and I'm screwed up for life because of it. This will not happen to my kids.

All of this should ultimately help create a balance between work and my personal demons. It's not ideal. To really address what's twisting inside me would require all my time and attention but that's not an option. So. For the past six days I've been looking for balance, balance, balance (even if it will take five months to get there). Clearly I really threw myself into this and I'm generally pretty positive about it.

What I can't offer any advice on is how to deal with the problems. Scheduling time I can do but I'm still scared to death of actually diving into these issues. That will be the true test of this attempt at balance but the test wont start for about five months.

Cyran0