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Originally Posted by emptynightmare
This was very helpful, thank you, psychehedone! It is good to know what my advisor's intentions might have been. I also took a break from college but when I returned I didn't seek help from anyone. This semester and the past semester are the first semesters that I have even really gotten advice from an advisor. I'm starting to thing I may be unnecessarily fearful or avoidant in all my interactions, not just in those directly related to my father issues. (And that I have more ingrained issues than I thought… )
My plan upon my return to college was a steady upward trajectory, not only in grades, but in personal development. I have and am continuing to accomplish that, and the senior thesis is part of that upward trajectory.
(Though I confess that I have no ability to create meaning because I'm depressed as hell, so I am using good grades etc as a measure for success…)
And it is equally helpful to know about my counselor's potential motivations.
I think I might just be blunt and ask my thesis advisor if he is being careful with me and why he decided to do the thesis with me. It seems that while my childhood is causing issues, as an adult I am merely afraid / unable to communicate, and understanding others' motivations would be helpful...
This is all very illuminating...
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One of the biggest mistakes I made in college was to not seek help from the various resources on campus, partly because I procrastinated and partly because I was afraid that I'd look like a weak student.
Regular, structured, goal-oriented communication with your advisor, professors, and resources like free tutoring and writing sessions can be very helpful. The more you communicate, the better you'll get at it. Jump in! Jot out what you'd like to get out of each session and what you'd like to figure out. That way, your meetings will be more structured and you'll feel more confident about going into them. A good therapist can also help you figure out how to approach these sessions. I always talk my therapist every time I have a difficult discussion ahead (e.g. a personal confrontation, a discussion with my boss, etc).
I think it's important for you to see a therapist and psychiatrist in a more "professional" setting if possible. While you might be getting better grades (good for you!) and using that as a measure of success, by not addressing underlying mental health issues, you are at risk of your depression and confusion deepening. This might not be the case with you, but I suppose I'm just risk-averse nowadays given my experiences.
It definitely might be helpful to talk to your advisor about what he's looking from a good thesis, how he'd like you to approach it, how he feels about your topic, and if he has any concerns or advice about how you are currently approaching your work.
Good luck!