I don't know how I'm meant to keep going.

I can tell myself until I'm blue in the face that I have to keep breathing. I can't give up. Not yet.

But in the heat of the moment it is seriously difficult to keep on fighting. And I'm stuck like this because I can't actually tell anyone how bad this is getting. How bad it has got.

Earlier I was ready to just not go home and do something "silly". I'm still in two minds about that now. But I have to tell myself no, now is not the time.

But how long can I manage like this?

And I know you will say "talk to a professional" "talk to family" but right now neither are an option for me. So where does that leave me?