mom died when I was 18 and she was only 35.I didn't cry when I heard she had passed away.I felt nothing.I was in denial for while,hoping it was just a dream and the next day I will wake up and she will be still here.It didn't hit me until I was in my early 20's.Since then,i'm fine for the most part but I occasionally burst into tears then it goes away.(on and off throughout the years)
However, I'm now 31 and finding myself properly grieving for her death. I'm constantly crying and find myself fighting back the tears when I'm out in public and at work. I'm missing her more now and wishing she was still here.I'm longing to talk to her but she is long gone.. looking at her last pictures she sent makes me sad

The thing is,she died back home in Africa so I wasn't able to attend her funeral nor have I visited her grave.We learned about her death few months after she passed so I never got to say goodbye.She apparently tried to get hold of us in her last days but failed because we had no access to phones,facebook,skype and we could only communicate by letters at that time I also feel guilty and a deep regret for not making an effort to stay in contact with her when she was still alive
Will I ever feel better?Will the pain ever go away?Will visiting her resting spot help or will it make me more depressed?