yeah and it is still going on, it never stops ... how about you? last night ... i was so exhausted after my ordeal from thursday bleeding over into friday, i crawl into bed last night "early" (for me) (just after 2 am) and i was so exhausted all over, head to toe, mind body and spirit, from everything, and my head would not stop chewing and pacing and spewing and racing and i just said oh please please let me sleep, i'm so exhausted ... please ... and finally got to sleep but started waking up in fits and spurts from 5 am on like usual, by 8 i was so sick of tossing around hearing voices and having my body poked and prodded and agitated by Indecipherables that i just said f--- it and got up ... no rest at all ... anxiety & agitation high even though no emotional content (e.g. i'm not depressed or shellshocked or su*c*dal like i was thursday)

& sometimes the voices in my head say stupid things like "yes well you know you LOVE being tortured like this ... you would miss it if it were gone ... admit it ... you love to suffer ..." AUGHGHGHGHGH i hate that, shut UP!!!!! (no don't shut up, don't leave me! yes shut up already, go away! etc. on & on & on & on...)