I grew up in a very abusive home and have always been haunted by it. I have gone through stages where I handled everything ok, but now, in the last year have been struggling very badly. The last year has been very stressful for me due to my daughter's newly diagnosed mental illness and her two hospitalizations.

I would say that the more stress I am dealing with in my life, the more I am haunted by my past. It's like I have this stress threshold that I hit and after that I become very self-critical, un-trusting, hyper-vigilant etc. Granted, those thoughts are there before that threshold, but I can quiet them and ignore them.

As for advice. I'm not sure what to say here except that you are not the only one. There are so many people that have struggled after being subjected to childhood abuse.

I'm going to recommend reading up on the condition that doesn't exist officially in the DSM-V. Complex PTSD. There is a board on the topic on this site and they have links to information about it. Many therapists aren't overly familiar with it, or maybe avoid mentioning it because it isn't an official diagnosis.

I'm not saying that you have this, it's not my place to do that. I have come to the conclusion that I do have it as I meet all the criteria at some level. You may come to the conclusion that you don't have it.

Best wishes.