Wow.....sometimes in life...it is like we are EVER wading through it....

I read your words....and you express that you have awareness....that alone gives you such an edge.....sometimes even though we are aware...of all the details and consequences...it doesn't stop us from acting upon them....yet...in this case that glorious yet.....that awareness...helps us pull back...quicker...and that awareness can become too...a habitual rising....that eventually helps us....not act in destructive ways....just the ability to have awareness draping you in knowledge eventually wins...knowledge is power.....

I am sorry about your birth mother...and her response....that is a very emotional tangle I am sure...wrapped up in daydreams of how we wished to be loved....because as children our imaginations take us there....we create the fairy tale....to survive....even though as an adult...we have lived with reality a long time....that child still lives in us too...and for a lot of decades that dream has been held in the heart of your inner child...and now...that child just got kicked in the most painful of ways...it is wounding....for our dreams are often what keep us putting that one foot in front of the other...when life brings such difficulties.....we can use it as a tool...too keep on going....even though we KNOW...it is a dream...that what if...is ever the enticement...the gift we give ourselves...and it makes what is bad...or difficult...okay...or easier....that just got ripped away.......I am sorry for that.....it must feel so raw.....

At the same time....I still see you expressing awareness....that is such a Blessing...even though it may feel like nothing helps....that awareness is guiding the choices you are making....and reading your words...it appears to me....that you are making good choices....we all falter...yet you have been getting back up...and choosing what will bring benefit...instead of more destruction....some people never even try...

I don't have any answers....to ease your pain...yet I wished to commend you...for you seem to be a fighter.....I am a stranger....standing...in the far distance...seeing your struggle...and seeing too someone who isn't giving up and rolling over in defeat...You are standing...and you are looking for ways to better yourself and to better the lives of your family....that is a gift....yes for you....and too...if makes...of YOU...a gift for them...

I only have words....yet if the heart had ears....you would hear the crowds roar...in thunderous applause....bravo...bravo......