Well, it's Monday and the counselor from my health care provider will call me. She will ask me how my job search is going and if I got out of the house for a walk/run or to go for coffee. She won't mention the fact I am suffering from severe depression and suicidal ideation.

Yes, I got out. Barely. Not for coffee. I can't afford $4.00 fancy coffees out and don't much like sitting in a public place where everyone is glued to their phones or laptops. Is that supposed to make me feel less lonely? How is that supposed to help?

I can't mention the unmentionable. That my severe depression and suicidal ideation are as bad as ever. But now I have decided to stuff them both in boxes in back of the dark closet of my mind.

There is so much online about crisis prevention. But what about all the hours a person lives with and wrestles with severe depression?

There is so much written about how suicide hurts those around the depressed person and it is a selfish act. What about all the friends and relatives who ignore that someone near them is in such deep pain???

I will not self-disclose about the depression to the counselor who is calling. She is using CBT and it's good but how is a 20 minute call once a week supposed to change my life for the better? Does she really think she is helping me?

It's a sad joke...mental health care is a sad joke.