I have spent so much time trying to get better. I really don't care anymore. It doesn't matter whether or not I am in a good mood or a bad mood. Nothing changes.

The reason I am not on an AD is that I had severe side effects and in the past it did nothing but make me agitated. If there is one thing I hate more than depression it is anxiety and agitation.

It seems crazy but I believe that things will get better no matter what I do. The reason I believe this is because it has been my experience in the past.

I guess I always have a low level of depression going on. I think maybe I am dysthymic. And it is intensified when I am stressed.

I need to work on bringing the stress down in my life. That's the only way I will see improvement.

I am alone, without an H or family, friends, or a dear pet. So it is tough. Really tough. I don't care anymore and I feel like giving up.

But I have to keep trying. Minute by minute. Day by day. And maybe things will get better.

But today. I really don't give a flying fig. But will give myself a mental hug.