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nonightowl · Mar 20, 2017, 12:04 PM

I've lost my mom about 2 months ago from lung cancer. I haven't been able to cry or even sob a bit, as we were never close and estranged the last few months of her life.

I may or may not have a "delayed" reaction, but if I or you do, it's normal.

Everyone's grief is different. There is no time table, no time when you "should" be over it (don't listen to people), no "right" way to grieve. Some people cry, some don't, some get angry, some are numb, etc.

As for the pain, I'd say it goes get better but with a lot of time. I've had a lot of losses in just the past 3 years, and around the time I found out my mom was in advanced stage of lung cancer, a really good friend suddenly passed.

Then 6 months later, mom is gone. That's two in just a few months, it's too much.

As for visiting her grave, follow your heart. Be true to your feelings. If you feel like you don't want to go, then don't....Do what you feel is best for YOUR well-being, not what someone else thinks you "should" do. (I get a lot of that)

Maybe weigh the pros and cons of going to her grave vs. not going?

If there's more of an upside to either one, no matter how small, go with that.

I've never truly gotten "over" any loss; it's just more bearable and less painful as time passes.

Right now time is dragging for me. Sometimes it feels like it's been years since she passed, other times it feels like yesterday (literally). I felt like that on 2/27th, exactly 30 days after her death.

Recently I got an e-mail from my friend's dad. It kind of brought the pain back, like it was fresh again. I thought (irrationally), "He's alive?!" It looked like it came from him.....His dad figured how to get into his e-mail.

It was kind of comforting to hear from someone who shares this loss, as we had no mutual friends. But it was also sort of like reliving the loss from the beginning, as I had that same "I can't believe it" thought when I saw the e-mail..

My heart goes out to you.

A grief group or therapist may help. Or talking to someone else who has experienced a loss can be healing too, so you have someone to talk to about your feelings.

Tears are healing. Your co-workers might be sympathetic if you tell them why you're crying. It's a risk of course, so trust your gut on it. Maybe just one person? It's possible she or he experienced a loss too. I can't hold in tears well, but I wish I could cry. It would be an outlet. If you don't want to cry in front of people, hopefully you can go to the restroom and cry there. Or talk a walk outside. Or sit in your car. I don't know your work situation so these are just random thoughts or ideas.