Quote:
Originally Posted by Data
Thanks for the replies mc2ed, MickeyCheeky and Fharraige. mc2ed you are right - awareness is a good thing, even if it is painful at times.
Her message said:
"I was very surprised to receive your message. At first I was tempted to ignore it, but after a great deal of thought decided to answer.
My decision to have you adopted was a very painful one, but at the time it was really the only option.
I felt like a surrogate mother, before the term was in use, and never felt like you were ment to be mine.
I have thought about you, and hoped you had a happy life with a good family who may otherwise have been childless.
I never wanted to contact or meet you, feeling that once the papers were signed you were not mine.
My Husband has always known of your existence. I have shown him your message, and he is very worried and upset, feeling that digging up the past could be very disruptive to our family life.
My philosophy has always been to look forward, and not back to painful memories, I cannot change the past.
Please respect my privacy."
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I read this...there is so much here.....your feelings...and her feelings....I would ever so gently say.....there are aspects I read in this letter that are very loving....she wanted to ignore it....yet reflected upon it...and the reason she didn't was because of you....she did not shunt you aside...even though that is what she wished to do....she lets you know...how painful it was to give you up....meaning too...in responding to you...that pain once again rose....and upon reflection she was willing.....
she didn't feel she had options.......yet she took the option that continued your life....she held you in life for 9 months.....and lets you know the only way she could cope....was to pretend...you were not hers...she was giving the loving act of carrying a child for another....through out her life she has thought of you....just as you have thought of her....and she was wishing and holding in her mind...that you were the gift for a childless couple...it could be that was what she held to ease her pain....just as you had dreams of her....she created dreams of you....she lets you know that she had to let you go...yet she wished you a happy life....that was her dreaming for you...happiness....and even though...she didn't have the wish to meet you...in this life...she still thought of you enough to share you with the man she would wed....so she didn't hide you.....
We can't know her circumstance...yet there are ever so many hidden messages when reading between the lines....this doesn't appear to be a woman who set you aside easily.....and even in her saying her philosophy in life has always been to look forward...and not dwell in painful memories....she even prefaces her request with please....that is a cry too....
I don't know how old you are...though in just the thought of going a few decades back...the world and how we treat women and sexual norms....are HUGELY different...HUGE.......it's sounds like she didn't really wish to give you up...and did what she thought was best for you.....so created a story that held you in happiness and loving care...so that she could continue on...without breaking down....isn't that a loving thing to do?....
I hope her wish for you came true that you had a happy childhood...and found a home with parents who loved you....I am sorry too for the sadness you feel....
May your heart find peace....and Love...for I feel you do have love in your home...