Update. I went to the party, had a few drinks then ran away as I knew I would get drunk if I stayed. Met a guy I felt attracted to and ran from him too. I was scared. Now I wish I had of stayed, gotten drunk and spent more time with this guy. Trying to do the right thing but it sucks. Feeling amped from the party but home alone. Stupid me. Think I missed a good opportunity. Might have to go back to the pub later this week to try and find him. Kind of wild right now. My mind is a mess. It is 8.20pm. Probably should just take my meds and go to sleep. But I'm fed up with the meds, and the need for a sleep routine. Want to just live my life like a normal person. He probably would run when he found about my bipolar. ****ing illness. Get me off this boat.