(((ExplodingSun))),

I think you did well in explaining your frustration in your second post. It's understandable that you are trying very hard to "practice" by having conversations with yourself.

I wanted you to know that a lot of people talk to themselves and "practice" creating words to express their emotions and needs. Also, when it comes to human interaction "communicating" thoughts and ideas and emotions is a challenge for a lot of people.

When it comes to our history of presidents that have given speeches, a lot of our presidents had help with that and it was normal for them to have speech writers. These speech writers spend time with these presidents "listening" and learning about what the president desires and what his goals are. Then, the speech writer sits down and writes a speech that captures the feeling of the message the president wants to convey. Now, we have teleprompters that help to keep not only a president but a lot of individuals who stand up and speak to an audience on track with the language they need to stay on message. Before teleprompters, speakers had notes and flashcards to refer to.

Human beings for a long time used to "learn" by apprenticing and much of what was learned is studying under someone who learned skills to "make" something or gather something. That is because human beings learn by "doing" and practicing. So in a sense, when you talk to yourself the way you have described, you "are" trying to "practice" in hopes to get better at language.

Then, with the increased use of language and writing things down, our way of educating began to change. The problem with this is how children were graded and judged and thought of as "less than or stupid" if they did not excel with this kind of teaching.

If you learn about some of our very successful individuals in our human history, a lot of these individuals came up with their best ideas and problem solving "while" they were in motion. Some of the best inventions happened while the person who invented took long walks "or" were doing something "physical". I bet that one of the things you do as you are practicing your own language skills is you pace back and forth or you are doing something physical and at the same time "thinking".

I happened across a video yesterday where a nanny cam caught twin boys that had gained the ability to climb out of their cribs and instead of going to sleep they kept climbing out of their cribs and one of the things they did was take any pillow they could find and pile them up. The parents kept coming into the room and kept trying to put them back in bed and yet they kept climbing out of their cribs and what can be observed is their continued pattern of moving all these pillows around. While they were being what is considered "bad", what they were really doing is LEARNING. They were not really talking sophisticated language either, instead they were communicating and interacting with these pillows "building" things. What they were really doing is showing how they like to learn.

One day I happened to come across someone going on and on about how disturbed they were that some people simply don't respond the way that person felt they "should" respond. That person does very well when it comes to language. Unfortunately, what that person is failing to recognize is that while they can embrace language so well, others may not, yet "others" may have things they can embrace and do well even though they don't embrace language as well.

I have spent pretty much my entire life trying to understand and "help" individuals with "learning disabilities". I am 60 years old and when I went to school the way children were treated that did not fit into "learning" the way it was considered they should, faced a great deal of abuse. I had a front row seat watching how my older brother was so badly abused simply because he did not "learn" the way it was expected. What I witnessed every day was "abuse" that traumatized him. All these years later what I have learned is that "I" was traumatized too because I witnessed it and it got very bad.

I have a husband who struggled/struggles with learning disabilities, and I have a daughter that struggled/struggles with a learning disability. So, I "know" the frustration you are describing. I had to learn all about how my daughter learns and as I learned "how" she learns I spent a lot of time "helping" her and I did notice it was not easy for her either because of how her "piers" encouraged her to feel "shame". So, when you describe how you feel when it comes to interacting with your piers, I hear you and I have come to know the kind of "hurt" you are struggling with. What is important, that I have spent a lifetime doing and focusing on helping others with is, not what one can't do, but what one CAN do. I also know how one's narcissism can develop in unhealthy ways simply because of what they struggled with that a lot of times they "hid" and found ways to make up for. And, there are often hints of that in their "language" abilities. And, often that is something they continue to be attacked for too. Especially by individuals who excel in that area who then decide they can judge others according to that because after all, did they not get all these gold stars and A's to tell them how superior they are?

I don't see it that way. What impresses me MORE is how someone who may be challenged develops a personal drive to "achieve" in spite of that weakness. What I have noticed is how amazingly intelligent someone can be as they achieve with less ability than others. That while a person may lack in one area, they can excel in other areas, and even be GIFTED. For example, go up to a car and open the hood and stand there and look at the engine. I am willing to bet the individual who figured out how to put all that you can see together in that engine so that we can have this form of transportation probably did not have the gift of language skills. And there are so many things we have that come from a "different" kind of intelligence. AND, there are a lot of people that learn very differently then what we expect or "think" people should learn. Some individuals don't learn by reading but instead learn by "listening" and visuals. Words and letters don't make sense to them, but they "can" achieve that "understanding" in other ways. And sometimes they get so they develop just enough language while they set out to "achieve" in other ways that are beyond the scope of what some that master language can.

Here is just one example of "hidden intelligence" that went unnoticed leaving these individuals with a "deep shame" simply because they learn differently. And often they struggle with "language".


What this man is talking about when it comes to "helping" individuals who are dyslexic is what I spent YEARS doing with my daughter. Along the way I had to constantly face criticisms for my effort to expose her to the kind of environments that was actually "healthy" for her and was an avenue that she could make gains despite the negative messages she was getting in school and from her piers.

Unfortunately, the "shame" she developed proved to be a big challenge. And even though I made such a huge effort to reward her for her amazing abilities where she excelled above others, I could not compete with the "shame" being fed to her by her piers and sadly even academia.

Well, 30 years ago, 20 years ago is a different story then the present.
And, 55 years ago when I began to witness all the abuse my older brother endured, is vastly different then what is beginning to be understood FINALLY today. And even in watching what happened to be caught on that nanny cam, I could see something that others may laugh at, the parents of these boys may get frustrated by, but is an example of what these very young toddlers were saying about "how they learn".

Anyway, my message to you is "I believe you" when you say you are trying very hard and you get frustrated. You are correct, you will come across others that "fail" to recognize how hard you are trying and may say things to you that are hurtful.