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Originally Posted by Hopingtrying
 Perhaps I earned this. To start the discussion, this morning my spouse said he noticed I am spending a lot of time on PC and being distracted by it. He is monitoring me because he feels like I have mental health issues that are never going to go away. That they were there when we married. (I do not deny any of this) On Sunday, he was concerned that I needed to phone someone at church, that it would be highly concerning to him if I let church become to consuming; that after all he has been through (I attempted nearly 2 years ago)--he just can't take that. He has told me that he feels like he can only take a remote job (the kind where you can work from home) because he is worried about me. I should probably be taking this to my T, rather than talking about it here but we are on a fixed budget this year so I am using PC as my therapy.
Does anyone else with a mental health condition at PC get told similiar things by their spouses? |
NO, he should not be monitoring you nor should you accept this as normal or reasonable behavior. You are his SO not his patient, client, subordinate or any other kind of role that calls for him to exert control over you, period. Concern is one thing but not if it means sacrificing the respect of the person you are concerned for.
This part especially worries me, not about you... but your spouse:
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On Sunday, he was concerned that I needed to phone someone at church, that it would be highly concerning to him if I let church become to consuming; that after all he has been through (I attempted nearly 2 years ago)--he just can't take that.
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This is him stepping, no leaping... way over the line of what is acceptable in a relationship. It is not him expressing concern for you - it is him expressing his own selfish desire to preserve himself. There is no concern for your well being here, it's about him worried about the stress it will cause HIM.
Not only that it's not about caring for you but controlling or having a say in how you prioritize your religious activity or devotion. I take it he's not a church goer or a believer, because no other faith led person would presume to know what is the amount of church or church activity you take part in. Don't let his ways with manipulating the words make you think this has anything to do with you.
I say draw the line at his monitoring you and kindly and gently as possible let him know he's going too far. you need to be firm in letting him know these attempts at manipulating you using the excuse of your well being are not welcome. Start gently and nicely and be more staunch in your stance as he resists. Thing is, this is giving him a chance to treat you with respect. If he doesn't honor your needs and wants, what does that say about how much he cares, really?