Quote:
Originally Posted by Happyhappyme1987
To cut a long story short,. I've been in a long distance relationship with a guy that i am absolutely, head over heels in love with. I have even thought at times that he is the one and if i ended the relationship, i would live to regret it. When things are good, it's incredible, like nothing I've ever felt. But when it's bad, it leaves me confused and so down. Everything has been perfect except for this..... He has physically hurt me on three occasions out of the seven times we have met. (Can't meet often due to serious long distance!) The first time, it was a push to the floor, the second time, he threw me down the stairs and the third and worst time, (hard to explain) but he slammed a door on me and left me black and blue. Each time, he has been drunk and very remorseful. I know everyone who replied will say i need to get out. I'm sitting her because I'm devastated and i cant stop crying. I want to spend my life with him and i love him but i cant be attacked. Can people change? Will it just get worse? I'm so in love. I know I'm being naive. But i know I'm a good person who always wants to see the best in people and i tend to block out the bad in them. I can't keep going round in my own head, I'm so anxious.
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I won't be what you expect and say simply that you need to get out. I won't lie and say whether I know if he can or can't change.
Fact: Right now, you and most everyone here probably agree that you can't be in a relationship that is with an abusive male.
Fact: Some people change, some people don't.
But if say he is one that can and would change, there needs to be the motivation for him to do so and you need to be in a place to see the change, where all the while you remain safe. That's why for now you do need to get out, with the thoughts of permanently breaking it off being the idea. The ONLY thing that will prove or disprove that he can change and would do this for the relationship will be when he actually sees you leave. Dont' say "if...you change" that leaves it too open. If he wants you in his life bad enough, your leaving without any caveats will convince him he has to. I wish many difficult relationships in the beginning forced themselves to go through this. It will be a test of his muster and his commitment to you. If he does nothing you won't lose anything and you'll probably save yourself from a lifetime of pain, and possibly literally save your life. If he changes, you will know.
I can only guarantee if you don't leave, he will continue the pattern, period and the longer you keep staying with someone prone to abuse the more often and more likely he will abuse you because they no longer have anything to lose.