The anaesthesia awareness alone seems terrifying. It seems like you should see a counselor. It sounds like you have PTSD. I think you could sort out the various events with your counselor.

But overall what you are experiencing seems normal, just intensified. I lost my mother at the same age you lost your nana. It took a very long time (about 7 years) for my grief to settle down. I remember every night before I went to sleep I would think of my husband and son and think, "Everyone is safe. Everyone is safely tucked in bed."

Maybe you could try something like that.

I am sure there are those people who would say what you are experiencing is "reality" and get used to it. However, some people are more sensitive.

This problem is rather complicated and I truly hope you seek out some sort of counseling that would include PTSD and grief counseling.