My take is you should never be okay with a man who physically hurts you and harms you. I realize feelings can complicated what you realize is irrational. I suggest if you're not doing this presently is to seek counseling on how to do what is right, most helpful to you. Gut feeling is he's a controller. I lived with an abuser. He was mostly an emotional-verbal abuser but there were times where he beat me several times. One with a broom handle Reason I'm telling you this is I too was madly in love with him. I wasn't just my boyfriend. He was my mentor Yet I finally wised up. May you do the same. My thoughts, prayers are with you.