Hey there. I hope everyone has been okay.

As of late I've been more depressed than usual. My depression is chronic so it's usually mlld to moderate. Now it seems a bit more than moderate...My therapist means well but she isn't helping. She tries to encourage me and be optimistic but when I'm like this optimism just seems like empty words.

I feel incredibly lonely and stuck. I feel trapped because of multiple reasons.

I have begun to have self-destructive thoughts. I wouldn't act on them (I think?) but I've been having them more than usual.

I am just very tired. I just started taking Lamictal so I'm hoping it works.

My insomnia has been horrible and my pdoc refuses to give me sleeping pills and the sleep medications I get over the counter aren't helping me anymore...I'm lucky if I sleep straight for 2-3 hours now.

My memory is so bad. I don't know what's happening. I just have a lot of life stressors right now (financial stress, gender identity issues/being unable to transition because I live at home, living with my childhood abuser, death of my cat of 17 years, not connecting with anyone, trying (and failing) to get a job, etc.).

I have been suffering from depression for the past 12 years and it is getting tiring...I work so hard and get little payback...I just want to be in a stable position and help my mother be comfortable.

What do you do when therapy isn't helping you?