So, tomorrow it's for real. I will be legally signing away my marriage. There is no other place to go at this point. We speak/message regularly. He makes comments like, "oh I can't wait for us to be together again", or "it's my dream to have us be together again". All I know is he is back in the Netherlands, and I have to start acting like I can live without him. I know it all takes time, but cutting him off, really letting him go feels impossible. I don't want to, but I know I should. EVERYONE I know tells me he's bad news. EVERYONE says he's used me, and yet I'm still drawn to this guy. What the hell is wrong with me. Can't I just be strong and independent, and move the hell on with life?

I can't bring myself to delete him, but to keep leading him on is even worse. I'm so sad. I'm tired of losing people in my life. I'm afraid I'll never be accepted by anyone other than him again. I feel awful. When do I press delete? When do I bring all of this crashing down on him? Isn't it supposed to be over since we are getting a divorce? Well, apparently, I'm a sad example of someone who just couldn't let go when I should have....

I don't know what I expect by writing this. I guess I just needed to vent. Thanks for reading.