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Originally Posted by DaisyBlossom
Hi. I have not had experience in your field, but I've had experience in thr padgeant business and I have bred and showed my prize winning Persian cars for many years. People are mean in these kinds of circles......they just are. I've cried many times when I was younger about their meanness, and eventually had to realize that there are somethings we just have no control over. My advice is to maintain your ethics, don't stoop to their levels, always be nice.....I know it's hard sometimes......but eventually they give up. They accept you and even respect you.......but it can take years. I luckily had a full time job that saw me through. Respect to you and good luck
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Thanks for sharing your experience here Daisy. I've experienced the same kind of meanness in all three of my creative circles -- but one in particular has left a lot of emotional scars due to the cruelty, the betrayal, and the disrespect. I always maintain my ethics, and I don't stoop to their levels, and am always respectful. But that had little effect on their behavior. These people I've run into over the past ten years and they haven't changed; they still don't respect me.
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Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006
Without information on how specifically these people have affected your ability to follow your passions it's quite difficult to say what you can do about it. About the only takeaway I get from what you've said is that they've given you a bad reputation with complete strangers? First if they were complete strangers, they shouldn't matter. I'm not sure how these strangers are in some way an influence to your being able to fulfill your passions so I can't quite comment on that but.. I can say that if the people involved in bad mouthing you are in circles that are influential to your pursuits then, you need to find a new group to work with. Doubtful you can do much of anything to people that are intent on making things difficult for you. Question arises, do you even need to be in contact with these people that are having a bad effect on other people in your life?
You can change them, you can only change what you're doing. Change social circles and keep that private from people that cause trouble.
Don't let others, no matter who they are, influence whether you pursue your dreams and goals, ever.
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Sandman -- well, it has been my experience as a member in social circles to see how heavily influenced by the leader or their "squad" some people are. In fact, I left a rather large social group of people after I witnessed a lot of gossip and backstabbing about me initiated by the "leader" who then delegated to her "squad" who to spread the rumors too, and what to say.
Think of that episode of the Big Bang Theory, where Sheldon and his girlfriend Amy Farrah Fowler do a social experiment with their friends; when Amy tells Penny that Amy is pregnant, etc. and she and Sheldon are amused by how fast Penny spreads their gossip "meme" to Leonard and Howard and Raj and Bernadette. I've witnessed that happen and I've also been a target of malicious gossip, that has spread to others in the creative circles I once belonged to, whose treatment of me CHANGED once the rumors about me spread. So, yes, strangers can be easily influenced by their friends as to what to believe about someone they barely know. It happens all the time.
I don't want to change these people -- that's not my goal and that's not even possible. You can't change someone's mind about your character, no matter what you do. They believe what they want to believe, and act accordingly based on what their beliefs and values are.
And I don't want to provide specific examples of what some of these people have done to me, because I need to remain anonymous.
To your quote about not letting other people influence whether or not I pursue my dreams and goals. Well, its a nice sentiment, but it's not reality when those same people have major influence over others' decisions, within each of these creative groups. They can easily blackball others from progressing forward. That is not something easy to navigate around.
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Originally Posted by starrysky
I like what Sandman said. I have something to add. You can try going back to said social circles w a different attitude. if people are bad mouthing you, and that's not who you are, your actions and behaviors will will speak for yourself. Give people, like strangers, for instance, more credit. Maybe they AREN'T talking about you or even caring what other people say. Are you sure they dislike you? If so, why? What if you decided to repair your relationships with them? We all make mistakes and have a past. Another thing you can do is find a different circle of people who you feel comfortable around.  |
I have no desire to repair my relationship with these malicious people. The things they've done to me, said about me; how they betrayed my trust and respect for them based on what they've done is unforgivable. Their actions weren't mistakes, as what they did had ill-intention behind it. I don't need to change my attitude. My attitude isn't the problem. I never did anything mean to these individuals during my time within these creative groups. I was always inclusive, respectful, and supportive despite knowing what they did and why they did it. So, my attitude is fine.
It's one thing to ignore what's being said about me behind my back, which I have no problem with. What other people think of me is none of my business. However, it also is my business because if it prevents me from reaching my goals, I need to seek out support from others within these groups, who may or may not be influenced by these same jerks. But that is something I anticipate will be difficult for me, based on what I know about these people and what they do to manipulate others.
I know it would make more sense if I provided concrete examples for those of you who've taken time to respond to my thread. But I am not comfortable doing that. Knowing that these people have spread untrue rumors about me to gain attention for themselves with others and betrayed my trust; that they chose the low road instead of the high road if they had issues with me, by not directly talking to me about their issues, isn't my responsibility to take on. If you have a problem with me, come talk to me about it otherwise talking about me behind my back is counter productive.
I just feel so frustrated. It's ridiculous.