Thank you all for being so understanding and supportive! I went to visit him over the weekend and yesterday (he's in psych hospital now), and as usual, he is extremely hyper, defiant, and aggressive. I literally could not keep up with him, and after a two-hour visit I was was not only a nervous wreck, but I was exhausted to the point of feeling sick.
I was given a copy of his behavior mod plan to use at home, and it is ridiculous. It was written more for hospital staff use than anything. Meaning, it would work if I had people living here with us. There is no way I can do all of this on my own! Every day I am faced with the reality that I may have to put him in some type of permanent placement, and it guts me every time. Plus Im afraid of what it would require to do that, and what such a big change would do to my son. I just wish that there were a way to help him in that way, but still be able to still be in his life. I'm terrified for us both, and have no idea what to do.