I've had some hopefully minor medical issues lately and​ have been in pain. I just started Meloxicam last night and was feeling tired and still achy today. So I updated T about my conditions after I did a little slow breathing with her.

I really wasn't up to anything heavy so we did the eating a raisin meditation and T asked if I wanted to work on my eating issue. I need to lose weight but I gave up. I'm not that motivated but it's probably a good idea.

All too soon the session was over and I felt blah. I left but went back in (T didn't have a client there yet) and asked if she could say I love you to me again because I felt empty. She did and I said "I love you too." It's not that I didn't know it but I felt blah in general, and didn't think I accomplished anything in the session. It felt like I was looking for something to hold onto, but I know it's not T anymore. That makes me sad.

It's been hard to get away from talking about not feeling well! I also don't know what more I want to work on. I don't know if we finished EMDR topics, and shame stuff. I seem to just need T to be there for me, yet I'm sure some topics are unfinished. I didn't feel like talking about my husband again. I did say I wanted to do things in a hurry because I feel like I'm going to die soon. I hope that's not true. I didn't feel up to discussing that either.

I feel conflicted. I don't need T as much but she's so much a part of my life now. I don't think of her the same way as I used to. I think I ought to make a list of what else I want to work on and see what T thinks. I hate endings!