I'm getting discouraged. I'm in my same habit of doing well during the week and then bingeing on the weekend. Saturday I ate McDonald's (nuggets and fries), grilled cheese and fries, chips and dip, and drank 8 beers. I imagine it was somewhere around 3500 calories and I can't even tell you how many carbs. I gained 3.2 pounds overnight. So now I have to do exactly what I did last weekend which is lose 4 pounds to log a net loss of just one pound. If I do lose enough I will have hit the 20 pound mark, which is amazing but also discouraging as I have 20 more pounds until my goal weight, and then according to BMI charts I will STILL be 40 pounds overweight. For the last two days I've stuck to my plan but really, really want to throw in the towel.

But if I go back to eating whatever I want I will gain back all my weight very quickly. I gained twelve pounds just in December! I'm just so tired of logging food and not being able to have the things I want all the time.

I looked at pictures of myself from July and September though and though I'm roughly the same weight now I feel as though I'm carrying it better and not as bloated looking. So I guess that's motivation.

I just wish I hadn't spent so many years hating myself when I was actually thin. I wasted so much time! I don't want to hate myself when I eat fries! It's not the crime of the century! It's just fries. I don't even necessarily hate how I look now. I just know I'm not healthy. I'm getting blood work done soon and I'm hoping my A1C will be down. Maybe that's the motivation I need. To see how this woe is affecting my health, hopefully positively.

I'm going to eat some protein chips. Tastes like cheating but it's not. Maybe that will cheer me up!