Im a 39 yr old male from Texas. Back in mid Jan 2017 I suffered what I think was an excruciating anxiety/panic attack. Since then my mental health has deteriorated significantly imo. I have had constant panic/anxiety attacks throughout the day. Especially at night right when I am about to go to bed and sleep it gets really worse. My nerves/muscles go haywire to a point I cant sleep for days. The longest I havent slept (barely 1 hour sleep total) was just under 3 days. My depression has gotten worse since then. Me and my mother have had a falling out a few times over me lying to her about having a job. Yes I acknowledge I was in the wrong for doing such. But, recently I was diagnosed with a probable case of Syringomyelia (cyst in my spinal cord). I also suffer from Type 2 Diabetes along with scoliosis (born with) as well. She places blame on me about not having a job. I try but my scoliosis is so bad that I cant walk very far without being in pain. Couple that with my recent diag of Syringomyelia, its pretty hard on me both mentally and physically. Suffering from constant nerve and sometimes muscle issues. These are some of the issues that are at hand between the spats me and my mother have. I also have had other issues getting in contact with my primary Doc. Ive been unable to contact her quite a few times over the phone. Ive been hung up on by her answering service. And her receptionist says she doesnt/cant talk to me when the office was basically empty. I went to the ER once and they referred me to a spine doctor/neurosurgeon. I got a call from the Neurosurgeons office a few days later saying everything should be fine and my insurance should cover it. They called barely a day before the actual appnt day and tell me my insurance wouldnt cover it, and they would call me back. They never did.
Also my anxiety/panic attacks/depression have gotten so bad that I cannot sleep usually more than 1-2 hours at a time. It has been very rare since late Fen 2017 since I have slept more than 3 hours during one time.
I also have been suffering from constant nerve pains (neuropathy) and muscle spasms/twitching/etc. These things have also contributed to my decline in sleep. Which of course made my depression worse.
There have been also times when I try to take a short nap because I was tad sleepy, I would wake up because of a violent tremor/jolt/etc. I dont know why or what causes it, but it just happens.
I also had a few bouts of orthostatic hypotension. One time a few weeks ago I was sitting on the floor cleaning out/organizing a dresser drawer. After I was done and stood up, I started feeling dizzy a bit. So I walked over to the couch to brace myself on the arm rest. The dizziness got so bad that I felt the the inside of my arms twist get really tense. Almost like it was being twisted beyond the point it was unbearable.
The arguments me and my mom have, or disagreements as some of you might put it have gotten progressively worse with each one She accuses me of not trying to contact my Doc. I try to tell her I have tried constantly by phone, in person, and through her answering service (with no call back and been hung up on a few times). She yells at me a lot. I have been suffering from worsening depression ever since I tried to reason with her. I told her, reminded her about my scoliosis and my Syringomyelia and diabetes put me in near constant pain, sometimes to a point of it being unbearable. She was even with me when the Doc diagnosed me with poss Syringomyelia. What does she tell me? " I dont give a damn!", and she walks off. Those 5 words really put me down deeper into the darkness Ever since she uttered those words, my bouts of depression have gotten longer and more dark. This made me think of what I said to her when she was crying hysterically when my dad died. She wanted to kill herself and I snapped off at her for talking like that. I told/asked her if she killed herself....If she kills herself, what would happen to my grandmother who she was taking care of?
But hearing her utter I dont give a damn about my potential life threatening conditions, my feelings/depression/anxiety/panic attacks have gotten worse. I feel worthless and I feel I cant accomplish anything. I mean I dont even have the desire as I used to like playing games on my PC or watch TV. After being diagnosed with Syringomyelia and seeing my CT scans/x rays/MRIs of my spine and seeing a section of my spine (between my shoulderblades being nearly segmented by a half.......couple that with the words my mother uttered about my conditions. Then its understandable why I feel like Im more worthless than trash I tried to be upbeat but its really hard because of being constantly put down by my mother and because of my debilitating medical conditions.