never blame yourself for another's mistake ... he got busy ... he forgot ... whatever .... it is , was , will never be .... your fault when others let you down .... try not to use negative words such as "idiot" to belittle yourself ... there are plenty of people willing to do that for us ... no need for us to do it to ourselves ... you are an individual ... there is only one just like you ... be that good or bad ... do you have an idea why your depression might be getting worst ... or you getting tired ... is it maybe just the lack of any apparent change ... to me lack of a change seems like it is getting worst ... I guess my brain keeps wanting things to be better and better ... maybe it's time for something different ... maybe a different med not just more ... is it hard to reach your pdoc ... have you gotten into a rut ... maybe a different activity level ... just make your day different ... try something new ... and keep posting here ... I am sure better ideas than mine will come along ... Tigger.