I think that whenever a parent yells at their child in an emotional way, it can be traumatic and this went on for a while. While I do not believe in spanking, I think that an unemotional spanking is less damaging to a child than emotional yelling that goes on and on. It sounds like you are gaining some insight into your problem. It is a shame (your dad's shame) that he put you through this. Parents don't treat each child exactly the same; everyone is different and our relationships include an intangible thing that I call chemistry. How it all played out is not your fault. Yelling for an entire hour was not OK. Maybe during this time period, he had terrible anxiety, that kind of thing, but he was supposed to be the adult and you were just a kid!