First thing's first...you definitely matter. Maybe he was just having an off day. I think we all have those every once in a while. Don't take that to mean you're not important. Sorry to hear the depression has worsened, but you should feel proud of yourself for putting in constant effort to improve your situation. Takes strength...believe me, I know. Keep writing here if that helps. There are people here who care and can relate to what you are going through. Try not to be so hard on yourself.