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I'm sorry you went through that. My dad also had/has a habit of going after my mom. When she left, it's like I took her place. The only ither sibling that dealt with some was my older brother, even then he could just leave and it'd go right back to me. Believe it or not, I preferred it that way. If he really wanted to get to me, he'd go after one of my siblings or my mom. I couldn't have that. So you had to witness just as much as be on the other end of the stick.
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I can relate to this. I used to hide my little brother and sister in my room under my bed when things got really bad. Made it a game for them. When I was older I used to deflect his abuse towards my mother onto myself because I knew that I could stand there and take it without crying or getting mad and eventually after he got it out of his system he would stop and go take a nap or get in the car and drive away for awhile. My mother though would often "talk back", which usually led to an escalation to physical abuse, so my main goal was to prevent that. When my older brothers were around, he wasn't as bad because although he abused them when they were younger, as they got older, he became wary of them and usually wouldn't escalate to physical abuse. Taking the verbal abuse was the only way I had to protect my mother.
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"Do you know what’s really scary? You want to forget something. Totally wipe it off your mind. But you never can. It can’t go away, you see. And… and it follows you around like a ghost."
~ A Tale of Two Sisters (Janghwa, Hongryeon) (2003)
"I feel like an outsider, and I always will feel like one. I’ve always felt that I wasn’t a member of any particular group."
~ Anne Rice
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