I thank you for your words....Traveling Lady...Blue eyed Mama....Seesaw....

I have read them....I have been touched by them....and Blue eyed mama...felt defended...
I feel a lot of things...I am unable to sort....and the thought of trying to do that here...gives me shudders....I have a longing for something...I keep looking outside...myself....and it creates....trouble...anguish....I wish to be seen...or heard...or even exist....as.....known.....yet what is fed back to me....as what is experienced....of me......I find unpalatable.....so I refuse it....like the short legs....still wishing for long.......I do feel retarded.....and I looked it up...and by the definition....I am....it may be so....I just don't want to feel that way.....and I deeply abhor the feelings I have experienced since writing the posts I have in this thread....I regret.....oh my god I have deep regret....for the post that now sits in the creative corner...the underlying need to throw up...has not left me....I wish it to be gone....I wish my words to be gone....IT IS NOT SAFE HERE......right there....if that is not retarded on my part...to think it was....in any way safe...to write such things on the internet....I can add moron....which by definition.....I looked that up too....in part...it fits....and in IQ it doesn't.....does that make it an oxymoron....okay....here I go again streaming thoughts........when ...the end result....this place for me....is not safe....I have been too stupidly unaware......

I request my words to be gone.....please........