Hello and welcome.
The simple fact that you took the time to write your threads, means that you want to feel better. I hope you do.
We are here for you. Anything else you wish to say, will help you in the healing process.
Most of us have being where you are now. Some better, some worse. We understand how hard it is to get rid of the dark veil. Keep trying. Never surrender. It will go away. I was like you for more than a year. My wife always told me it will go away. It did. It will go away same way it came. All the best for you.