Thank you for all of your posts.. I'm on the way trying to surmount this rather large mountain of issues...

I'm going to ask my doctor tomorrow about psychotherapy again... I may have "lost" the original referral. I didn't feel like I was worth taking up their time, and it's been a very difficult feeling for me to get rid of.

Is it stupid for me to go, or should i actually give this serious consideration ?

I'm still not entirely sure if i deserve to have help. It feels alien to me.