Hi everyone, I'm new here and deeply depressed.
4 months ago I started obsessing over having schizophrenia I would go to the doctor every day I checked myself into a psych ward etc until my obsession moved to bipolar I was convinced I was bipolar I researched non stop did all the doctor checking changed my therapist and so on then I obsessed over sociopathy and this one really hit me hard.. the last month I've messaged 50 people I went to school with to analyse my behaviour in Primary school I've dug through my grandmas house to find old home videos and spent hours watching them seeing what kind of child I was etc now my mum means everything to me and lately I have a fear I'm going to kill her it's not an intrusive thought where it just pops in my head out of nowhere it's there from the moment I wake up until sleep for some reason I have stuck in my head "you'll kill your mum to get your ex bc back" now I do like my ex and have done crazy things before to get him back this is why the thought won't leave it's convinced me I'll do it for attention. I'm soooo distressed I'm thinking of cutting off my hands to stop me or getting in an accident and brain damaging myself all this crazy things because I'm pretty sure I'm a sociopath and this is just me turning into a murderer help!!!