Hi,

I'm sorry to hear that your relationships with your husband and your mother have been leaving you feeling unhappy and discontent. Figuring out the best way to deal with those in our lives who are abusive can be difficult. My opinion is that if your mother has been abusive toward you for a long time and hasn't expressed a willingness to stop being abusive toward you even if you've asked her to be more respectful toward you enough times, it's probably best that you give yourself enough distance from your mother to allow yourself to meet your emotional needs. That's not to say that a personality disorder and/or something else going on with your mother might not at least partially explain why she's been abusive toward you or that you might not be able to forgive her on some level. Perhaps you can still see your mother as a person who's basically good who you might need to keep some distance from because she's abusive toward you for reasons that you don't currently understand (and might not ever be able to understand). But if distancing yourself from your mother is what you need to meet your emotional needs and/or to keep yourself safe, then maybe that's what you need to do.

As far as your relationship with your husband is concerned, my view is that if you haven't already done this, you and your husband (perhaps with the help of a counselor) would probably benefit from sitting down and figuring out whether or not the problems with your relationship can be fixed and whether or not any problems that the two of you might continue to have with one another on an ongoing basis might mean that you and your husband might no longer be best for one another. Whether or not you have a personality disorder, I think that it would be best for you and your husband to discuss the problems that the two of you are having in your relationship and to carefully decide whether or not remaining married would be best for both of you. Certainly, getting the opinion of your psychologist about how to proceed in the relationships that you have both with your mother and your husband is something that I'd advise. I wish you luck with everything, but if you have any questions about what I've written here, please feel free to ask.