Quote:
Originally Posted by prefabsprout
It seems to me that these two instances are both friendly gracious actions - you say you'll get nothing from them, but do you feel better for having done it?
I don't think it necessarily means you aren't a 'good' person because you haven't kept friendships, there could be a variety of reasons why this is. Have you noticed any common themes/patterns in how your friendships develop/end?
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If someone does something bad to me or something which I can suspect to being against me, I can remember that for a really long time. Not that I'll spend my time thinking about it all the time, but it'll get added up as grudge and I'll feel more and more defeated overtime and just want to leave.
Also, if I place boundaries I'll feel like a bad person because I have to put a friend in his place. Also the anxiety of "I'm a complainer, I am needy, he'll think of me badly behind my back".
Because of some emotional attraction to them, I wouldn't really feel irritated enough at the heat of the moment to respond immediately and impulsively.
Every person I'd feel attraction to, I'd feel used and inferior.
Stems from my dad, that piece of ****
On the other hand, I would never quite directly act with those feelings, although we've had great friendships in the sense of fun. But the sense of freedom has give way to pain...
It's kinda hard for me to tell and express from here
EDIT: Something I noticed, especially with my last therapist (one main reason why I left him) - if I have a friendship/relationship with someone I feel an emotional attraction to and he reacts negatively to me, even if a critic, I easily take it too personally. Also has to do with my father, he'd always scold so harshly, would have a hard time listening and accepting emotions, especially negative ones.