I am reading a book on self esteem. It is dawning on me that I let people treat me like crap, SO much, in the past. I had an old therapist, for 4 years, who presented red flags so much, who was obnoxious and attacked me verbally more than once. She had a quarrelsome nature. . I didn't leave because I didn't know where else to go and just felt like I had no power to change my situation. I dated men who treated me like crap. Like holy whoa. I'm just processing this all I guess.

It's also scaring me that I'm thinking about this one guy who was really disrespectful when I dated him, recently. I'm so mad. I'm so angry that he would be like that, and that I would let him. I have a long history of dating men and having boyfriends who treated me disrespectfully and didn't really care about me.

I hate the idea of the law of attraction, because it blames everything on the victims thoughts. I just feel sick right now. Im making better decisions now. But I also, in my alone and lonely and bored times, think about these guys, and feel so upset, angry. I'm angry!!!

I want to empower myself and not hate myself. Sometimes it feels like, they hurt me because I'm not worthy. Deep down, and in my better moments, I know I'm worthy. But holy hurt. I have been hurt.

I want to find a way to process through this.