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Originally Posted by sakal
I'd find a new group, a new set of opportunities and leave the mess behind in this case/ "don't look back unless you want to go there."
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Yes, the more time I spend ruminating on this situation, the more I believe that I have to find new people who share the same passion as I do; new people who may not be associated with the toxic people from my past.
Quote:
Originally Posted by starrysky
You told Sandman that you need to change your attitude about these individuals, and not leave your situation, but you said you don't need to change your attitude in your response to me. So I'm confused. But maybe you are confused and thinking things through. I know you said you can't move, but I am wondering why your social situation would not change if you moved and were around new people. Whatever you choose to do about your difficulty, I hope you find peace of mind.
Some people really are messed up, I agree w you. I've experienced group drama of my own. I've left groups of people in the past, and it had been painful, and I would never go back, because it IS hard to go in as an individual when you think people dislike you or you dislike them! People who are gossip driven are immature at best, cruel at worst. I have experienced the lament of wishing I could go back, or at least turn back time. I think this is where acceptance of reality comes in. I also think, have hope. For yourself, your future, your art.
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I think my response to you and to Sandman was defensive, because it is such a sensitive subject for me. I've been in limbo for ten years NOT pursuing something I have a natural gift for in three different artistic arenas. And that, I think, does more harm to me, than these toxic people from my past. So, my apologies to you and to Sandman. I'm just furious that I let this much time waste because I allowed my fear and anxiety regarding the treatment of these toxic people control my choices. That shows a definite character weakness on my part. For all my advice to people here and offline, I really need to walk the talk I'm so comfortable with sharing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006
You can call whatever you want on it but calling "b.s." on something implies that someone is telling something other than what one believes is true, with the purposes of misleading someone. I assure you there is nothing of the sort going on here. You can disagree with me or anyone but just because you dont' agree doesn't mean they are trying to bullsh** you. Whether I am wrong or not, the reality is that sometimes the things that are actually honestly said are the hardest things to accept. But trust me, there is nothing in my statement that is intended to put you down, minimize or hurt you. My intention is to help. Take that or leave it.
I'm not sure how to respond to the passive aggressive statement, I mean, I dont' know you, only your issues that you post here, why would I have any reason to be passive aggressive with you in the first place? I gain nothing from coming here to cause you stress or anger you.
I make no judgements on your character, once again, because I do not know you personally.
You assume that changing environments = moving physically. that was not at all what I meant. Although moving physically to a new location would ultimately change environments, it is not actually a requirement. I can live in the same house and change who, what and where I do my business, entertain myself, or hang out. The who, is the part that I was most focused on.
As an example, I am an artist. I can be involved in artistic groups in all kinds of ways. If say I was involved in a group related to my style of art... wait I have an experience based example here. I use something called picarto. It's a live streaming art site where you can do your art live with viewers watching your work. Well in my case I have found there are many groups that take part in certain chatter and activities, have certain attitudes. some I will get involved with, others I have found I have to avoid because I disagree with the way they interact online. now I am only assuming that your problems are related to the people involved in your group related to the passion you mention. if that is so my only suggestion is to try and find a different group that has the same passions but are beter people. Again, this is working from minimal amounts of information pertaining to your situation so I know, I could be off.
but ultimately we do have choices and whether we like it or not, if we choose to remain in situations with toxic people, we choose to remain in the toxic situation.
If there is no way to find a different environment (again, not necessarily physical) then you are probably right about that.
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As I stated to Star, I believe I reacted defensively to your post as well. I really do need to get out of my head (where I spend too much time) and physically connect with the world again, even if that means seeking out a completely new set of people who share my same passion, who may not be so entrenched or enmeshed socially with the toxic people from my past.
That is great that you can share your art online with live feed video, especially to your community of artists.
An artist friend of mine has offered me a space in a 3 week abroad opportunity which if I could afford, I will take. That is one step towards rebuilding connections with people who share my same creative passions. And this person has absolutely no ties to the toxic people from my major creative group of ten years ago, other than being Facebook friends with my former group leader (a creative cult in the sense, but not an actual crazy, unhinged religious cult).
It's not the major event I refer to in earlier posts here, but I had a falling out with my former group leader last year, when this person demanded that I change my belief system and prescribe to theirs, if I wanted to get involved with their foundation and the nonprofit work that they do with local urban schools. This person literally grilled me about my belief system over a coffee meeting. I thought that was very rude. So, I refused to change my belief system just to fit in and pursue an opportunity that seemed worthwhile. I was polite with my refusal, and left the coffee meeting with a knot in my stomach because it confused me. If someone has a problem with me, isn't in that person's own responsibility to address it directly with me? We haven't spoken since.
Anyway, I think I will just have to put feelers out into the three creative communities again despite my fear and anxiety and hesitation because having not done so for ten years has taken a toll on me. It's made me absolutely miserable. I'm fed up with toxic jerks.