Right now, I hate myself so much. I hate myself because I cannot be alone, and I cannot be with people. But after experience, I am better alone than with people. It is the lesser of two evils. I will never be sociable and people's guy, and this affects my life tremendously, but I cannot do anything about it, and I hate that. I know you heard this a million times, but today I mingled with some people and it was absolutely catastrophic and humiliating. When I am alone I can think and contemplate, but when around people I get nervous and my mind goes blank, which make me do and say stupid things.