I'm so sorry to read you had an unhappy experience.

Please try to give yourself compassion, it sounds like you were trying but things did not go as well as you hoped. The anxiety you have been feeling is something which is not your fault or your choosing so please do not hate yourself for this - it is not your fault.

This doesn't mean you can never be sociable in any situation - for some of us smaller groups are less threatening and we feel safer (therefore less anxious) for instance.